Archive for the ‘Fat’ Category

What’s your sign?

February 18, 2007

I’ve never been one for banal conversation and in bar room situations, I’m more likely to use a direct approach like “Your absolutely gorgeous; are you legally blond or a rocket scientist?”

If the woman can tolerate my sense of humor and either laughs or gives an answer that indicates anything above an apprentice nail technician, we have the start of a conversation.

Every now and then my curiosity gets me into the banal zone. So naturally when Robin described her Zodiac sexuality, I had to follow the link and do mine. Since it was so positive, I had to post it below. Anything less would have meant I didn’t publish it and endured a few years of bad luck for breaking the chain.

AQUARIUS:. Does it in the water [which I like]

Trustworthy. Sexy. Great kisser. One of a kind.
Loves being in long-term relationships.
Extremely energetic. Unpredictable.
Will exceed your expectations.
Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.

Amazing in bed,

find yours here.

Obviously, the 35 year old original descriptions were written by an aquarian.

My Perfect Mistress! Happy Valentines Day!

February 14, 2007

I met my perfect mistress almost 45 years ago. At the time, she was very undeveloped, actually kind of skinny, and more utilitarian like a maid than a lover. About 10 years ago, I had unfilled needs, a lust for new experiences and was reintroduced to her. Despite the long absence, she warmly embraced me and gently caressed me over my whole body.

I simply couldn’t resist the new experience and extended an invitation to my wife to join us in a warm loving and very sensuous relationship. We shared hours together drinking champagne and planning businesses and were only interrupted by the pleasure of warm, loving, sensuous, caressing touches.

This threesome went on for several years until my wife became very successful in business and tired of the game. She never begrudged my continuing relationship and in fact, when I was particularly stressed she would encourage a visit to my mistress. Eventually, our children and grand children became aware of my mistress and my passion for her. All were seduced by her warm loving manner and gentile touch.

Unfortunately, many good things end. My wife developed a petty streak and in a moment of austerity begrudged me the $70 dollars a month that my mistress demanded of me. The amount was so low for the pleasure provided that I felt shame when the topic of money arose. Maybe she was jealous of the hour or two a day I spent with her.

Rather than fight with my wife of 40 years, I rejected my mistress and turned my back on her. The sad part is my wife and I spent the year that my mistress was out of my life in a constant battle. The cruelty of the words in one week of that year exceed all the cruelty of the 40 years we had been married and there was no mistress to run to for solace.

I was able to take this for almost a year before returning to my mistress. When I returned, I found she had almost died of atrophy and rejection. I paid $700 in medical bills to bring her back to health and know I would have gladly have paid three times that amount just to get her back.

During our whole relationship, my mistress has never started or participated in an argument. She has helped heal me whether my wounds were spiritual or physical and she embraced me no matter what time of day I visited her. I could visit mid day for her warmth and comfort or at night. At night I would lie naked in her warm caressing embrace while watching the stars and moon above and feeling the pleasure of her company.

The amazing thing is since my mistress has returned to my life, my wife has once again joined me in our threesome with her for her warmth and loving touch. It would appear she has missed my mistress and our threesomes as much as I have.

The name of my mistress is Hot Tub, and I will never live without one again!

Happy Valentines Day!

The Contest is Over!

February 14, 2007

The contest is over for lack of spirited interest except for Robin and Mike E. Obviously Robin is the winner as she focused on food. Mike E chose the scat path. Oh well both the winner and the loser get the hats – if they want one.

The fruit is obviously rare and has a limited range of global acceptance mostly because of its appearance and the way you eat it. It is native to both coasts of Mexico and even though the plant was spread world wide in the 1700’s, it has never achieved global acceptance. The following picture was ripped from Purdue which publishes more information than you need to know or click the thumbnail below for a larger view.

Black Sapote

The way you eat it is to cut it like an orange and suck out the pulp with lips and gums being sure to not break the fragile skin which would make an even bigger mess. My knowledgeable and normally adventuresome employees refused to even try it with only one other male and my wife having a taste. My wife cautiously probed it with her finger and tasted it and declared that it tasted just like an unsweetened chocolate avocado. Everybody else was too disgusted to even consider it. Its easy to understand the combination of cocoa and avocado once you have eaten this fruit.

The fruit locally is called a chocolate fruit but in other parts of the world it would be sapote negro, zapote, zapote negro, zapote prieto, zapote de mico, matasano (or matazano) de mico, or ebano. It had been confused as a relation to mammy sapote but that is an attractive fruit which when ripe tastes like a pink avocado and makes a nice unusual garnish for salads.

The Genuine Fat Savage Hat!

February 12, 2007

The Genuine Fat Savage Hat!

Robin has attacked the task of identifying what I ate with the passion normally saved for Taebo and she is so close. The combination of avocado and chocolate would not be necessary if she could find this fruit which was probably used in the original recipe. If she is doing this for the hat(pictured above), I’ll be happy to send her one for all comments done to date.

By the way check her chili recipe on today’s blog. My type of recipe – i.e here is the list of ingredients – if you’re any kind of cook you can figure out the amounts. I hate cinnamin in chili or pasta sauce so I would leave it out but just might try the cocoa. ( Cinnamin toast is good for breakfast – you know lots of butter, sugar and cinnamin on toasted bread.)

What did the Fat Savage Eat? Big Free Contest!

February 11, 2007



That’s right if you can identify this “snack”, the Fat Savage will mail a Fat Savage baseball cap to anyone you choose including yourself. The winner will be the first person to correctly identify the leftover from this snack in the comment section of this blog entry.

Hint # 1; This is more proof that God has a sense of humor!

Hint # 2; When I discussed this snack with a gay friend, he expressed an affinity for it despite a lack of interest in scatology. So it definitely isn’t what it looks like – that is – unless you really know what it is.

Really Bad Eating Overdrive – Read It and Weep!

February 9, 2007

My last fast came to an unnatural end where I didn’t get to the lower level weight I was expecting followed by a week of desk work. Yesterday was just one of those totally evil days of humanity. I don’t mind eating or drinking when its a celebration of life. I just can’t stand it when it becomes senseless activity meant to kill time which is almost a prelude to death itself.

I fasted before Christmas to allow for the indulgences of the season and came through unscathed. I am simply not sure what caused yesterdays collapse, but it was bad.

From a productivity point of view, I resolved my machine problems, met a business associate for breakfast, made some calls to firm up the Governor’s ad hock committee on small business, and finished a proposal for a major new controversial project which passed a preliminary review this morning.

Nothing was unusual about the morning, I sedated myself with coffee, had bacon, eggs and toast for breakfast and stayed at my desk until about 3pm when I got tired of it. While taking the afternoon off, I wandered to the fridge and was attacked by a 1/4 pound piece of sausage swimming in a sea of pork and beans cooked with brown sugar. I fought back and devoured it.

I wasn’t too terribly ashamed because you simply can’t gain more weight than what you eat so I figured I could afford the 1/2 pound or so without much problem. I then had to return to work and entered the vacant building through the lunch room, where someone had left an almost complete slice of cold soggy pizza with only a bite out of it. I hate a mess in the dining area so I cleared the table by eating it.

Naturally, I stopped to join my wife for a glass of wine and drank a bottle instead – then went home for dinner. That’s right a 1 1/2 pound steak for the two of us – she weighs in at 120 so doesn’t eat all that much. Then there was the 1/2 pound baked sweet potato with butter, and the fresh mozzarella (1/2 pound), basil, and tomato salad washed down with another bottle of wine.

So how does a Fat Savage gain 2 pounds in one day?

Read it and weep!

Bad Writing and Gender Bias

February 7, 2007

I never thought I would ever have to worry about being gender challenged at age 62. I pretty much always thought of myself as male and pretty much of a bull at that. I mean I openly acknowledge my lust for sex and the fact that I started my weight reduction process because I was getting to fat to fornicate. But then my friend Mike E asked me about the impact of hunger on writing and The Middle Manager introduced me to the Gender Genie.

I found in my initial analysis that I was prone to shorter “more” feminine blogs when fasting and longer androgynous blogs when eating well. Of course, The Ideas Man teased me about switching the name of the column to The Gonzo Fat Female and some frriends privately mentioned that the weak winy voice of a fasting male might be feminine in nature.

Now I wasn’t too concerned that my non fasting style was somewhat androgynous when eating well. Why, it was only a few years back that I declared myself to be a cool, sensitive, worldly, metrosexual guy. That claim didn’t last long as my daughter gave me a book called the Reluctant Metrosexual where this guy went through having his eyebrows plucked and a full body wax to remove pubic hair so he could share the pain of the female gender. My phase abruptly ended as I recognized that I did not have the credentials or the desire to get enough to validate me as a metrosexual and went back into the Fat Savage mode.

So why do I believe that the starving me is feminine in my writing skills and the answer lies in my ADHD. In school, I pretty much refused to learn anything I was not instantly good at and that included writing, tennis and golf. If at first you don’t succeed, quit. Fortunately, IQ and SAT tests never tested my writing skills, the bias was at word games, logic skills and math. That part was instant knowledge and I could excel without learning. In college, I only needed I year of writing English and I passed with a D for great ideas poorly executed. The crunch came when I started a job after my Master’s work in Engineering where I punted on the Thesis.

Here I am a brilliant engineer being mentored by a more brilliant chemist who never went to college and he pointed out the obvious. In big business, you are not judged on your ideas but the presentation of them. If you can write, your paper will be passed on. If you can’t, your boss will write the idea up and pass it on. The boss will get the credit for hiring you and recognizing your brilliant ideas. The other thing he said is that those who write the minutes of a meeting control history and can slant the meeting in their own directions. Since everybody hates to write, the volunteers are always selected.

So now writing became a discipline that I had to learn and my wife taught me. I started writing letters to the editor which she would correct and edit. If she was going to type it I had to clone her style. This was before computers and spell checkers and the Bill Gates grammar rules. I hated typing so I became her writing clone and remained that way for 30 years until Word Perfect arrived on my desk. Besides, I never knew their was gender bias in writing; I just thought there were rules of grammar.

The first article I wrote (which was published in the New York Times), she typed 36 times and told me never again – I had to learn the rules or type it myself. By 1990, I got an award for the best small business article of the year and got a write up in Inc Magazine (I brought 10 copies). I typed that myself but still relied on my wife as an editor.

So a far simpler argument for being feminine in writing is that when I’m fasting, I don’t feel like arguing about style and revert to the rigid rules established by my wife. When I’m sated, like all Fat Savages, I’ll argue and fight with anyone for the fun of it.

Fasting – All Good Things Must End.

February 5, 2007

The Fast this time really never bothered me. It was not as productive as I wanted but it wasn’t over and this morning I weighed in at 211.1 and was hoping to get below 200 since the fast was going strong. Even a few days at the desk didn’t kill me. It might have slowed me down but I didn’t gain weight.

Today one of my machines went down. It is one of the most modern in the world with complex valving arrangements, electronic, pneumatic controls and driven by a computer. The nearest qualified technician is about 1500 miles away and just the visit will be $2500 even if the problem is not solved. The machine, when running, cleans better than our older one with almost no pollution. The new machine cleans about 2000 pounds per gallon of cleaning fluid and that gallon is destroyed in a cement kiln whereas the old machine cleans about 400 pounds per gallon and much of the difference is air pollution.

I did a little trouble shooting today but am trying to keep on the fast until I drop another pound. If not, I will still quit tomorrow, have a nice breakfast, lots of coffee and get bogged down by manuals and slow progress. Once I quit the Fast, I’ll try to go into maintenance mode to reduce the belly a few more inches. I did the infamous picture thing and pictures don’t lie. My pants size is down 5 inches ( from 40 plus to 36) but still looks like hell as the fat hangs over the belt.

I hate to use that disgusting E word ( Exercise) but without some professional help and gym time targeted at my abs I fear I will end up looking like one of those starving third world kid. (all bony with a bloated big belly). Unfortunately, it is a lot harder for me to commit to targeted exercise than it is to starve my body into submission.

It might be easier to move to a culture where the Buddha Belly is the norm and I could remain a sex symbol without effort.

Day 8, Fasting – Loosing Track of Time.

February 4, 2007

Over the past few days I have been forced to do desk work and then the last post took a concentrated effort to research and write. Today I woke up at 213.1 down, down 6 pounds for the eight days with ups and downs on the two missing days. I had to read my own blog to figure out when I started. Obviously, I’m not any where near bored with fasting, it’s sitting at a desk and watching the second hand jump that makes me bored (Most of you never thought about how slowly the second hand jumps).

Six pounds is not the kind of weight loss that I had expected for my very restricted diet. The problem is (as I’ve said before), for me, fasting is only half the weight loss process, manual labor is the other half and if I don’t work, I cant expect to lose weight. At least, I didn’t gain weight while shuffling paper around my 180 square foot office cell.

Good Fasting and Bad Writing

February 2, 2007

The following comment posted by Mike E provoked some serious thought as discussed below.

4 Responses to “Day 5, Social Kryptonite, desk work and near failure.

1. Mike E Says:
February 1st, 2007 at 5:39 pm e

Does desk-work include writing, John? I’m curious: How do your fasts effect your focus while word-crafting?

If there is one thing I hate it’s questions that force self appraisal. I have worked hard all day and then I’m being forced to find out if that Gestalt thing is really working – you know “every day in every way I’m getting better.”Now self appraisal involves both qualitative and quantitative aspects and on the qualitative side, I already claimed to be doing the best blogging possible every day, it’s just the readers who are fickle.

Qualitative self appraisal is simple but not always accurate. Fortunately, my friend over at The Middle Manager has once again provided the tool with his post on the Gender Genie.

In the month of December, I had a six day fast and the whole month was pleasant. My wife was here the whole month and I got ample time for desk and manual labor and there was an element of feasting during our St. Thomas excursion and the six day fast prior to Christmas. All during the same healthy prosperous, non argumentative period.

First off, my own self appraisal is that the titles are far more creative when not fasting and the topics more varied but I’ll leave that assessment to the reader (see the list below).

The interesting thing was the rigid assessment by the Gender Genie using their fixed rules of the program and their word count.

Prior to fasting I was averaging about 639 words per blog and was writing in a fairly androgynous manner with half my essays yielding male and half female. During the fast I dropped to 355 words per post and my style became more feminine with 5 out of 6 passages determined to have a female author.

Reqardless if you trust all of the results, there has been a definate reduction of creativity and length and the character of the blog entries has changed. I have learned how to sit at a desk and do managerial work but have not yet figured how to do creative writing while fasting.

In my earlier works where a few were published, I would pace miles between pages and half of my mindless walking would end at the fridge. Now I have quit snacking and it seems that it is detremential to good writing.

As an aside, that is why it probably took so long for writing to develop at all. Savages fighting for food had little time to waste on writing philosophy and poetry. It was not until an agrarian culture with specialized disciplines when people could worry about sharing their thoughts for posterity.

Ah well, I would guess Skinny Starving Savages just weren’t meant to be poets.

Decide for yourself!

ADHD and The Need to Exercise.

Words: 582
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)
Female Score: 769
Male Score: 1003

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

Hyperactivity is No Joke

Words: 777
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 1263
Male Score: 939
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

Lifestyle of the Rich and Shameless!
Words: 421
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 505
Male Score: 515
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

Why Fatties Shouldn’t Fly
Words: 601
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 890
Male Score: 961
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

Lifestyle of the Rich and Shamelessly Obese!
Words: 446
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 788
Male Score: 486
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

ADHD – The Evil Side
Words: 1009
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 1493
Male Score: 1393
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

Is there a style change????

Fasting in December?
Words: 339
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 371
Male Score: 370
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

Day 2, Fasting in December
Words: 311
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 324
Male Score: 509
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

Day 3, Half-Fasting in December
Words: 595
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 806
Male Score: 749
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

Fasting: Day 4, Going Strong?
Words: 289
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 423
Male Score: 342
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

Fasting Day 5, Ooops!
Words: 256
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 343
Male Score: 297
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

Fasting, Day 6 – Those damn weight loss plateau’s
Words: 342
(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 454
Male Score: 444
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!