Archive for the ‘Disney’ Category

My Perfect Mistress! Happy Valentines Day!

February 14, 2007

I met my perfect mistress almost 45 years ago. At the time, she was very undeveloped, actually kind of skinny, and more utilitarian like a maid than a lover. About 10 years ago, I had unfilled needs, a lust for new experiences and was reintroduced to her. Despite the long absence, she warmly embraced me and gently caressed me over my whole body.

I simply couldn’t resist the new experience and extended an invitation to my wife to join us in a warm loving and very sensuous relationship. We shared hours together drinking champagne and planning businesses and were only interrupted by the pleasure of warm, loving, sensuous, caressing touches.

This threesome went on for several years until my wife became very successful in business and tired of the game. She never begrudged my continuing relationship and in fact, when I was particularly stressed she would encourage a visit to my mistress. Eventually, our children and grand children became aware of my mistress and my passion for her. All were seduced by her warm loving manner and gentile touch.

Unfortunately, many good things end. My wife developed a petty streak and in a moment of austerity begrudged me the $70 dollars a month that my mistress demanded of me. The amount was so low for the pleasure provided that I felt shame when the topic of money arose. Maybe she was jealous of the hour or two a day I spent with her.

Rather than fight with my wife of 40 years, I rejected my mistress and turned my back on her. The sad part is my wife and I spent the year that my mistress was out of my life in a constant battle. The cruelty of the words in one week of that year exceed all the cruelty of the 40 years we had been married and there was no mistress to run to for solace.

I was able to take this for almost a year before returning to my mistress. When I returned, I found she had almost died of atrophy and rejection. I paid $700 in medical bills to bring her back to health and know I would have gladly have paid three times that amount just to get her back.

During our whole relationship, my mistress has never started or participated in an argument. She has helped heal me whether my wounds were spiritual or physical and she embraced me no matter what time of day I visited her. I could visit mid day for her warmth and comfort or at night. At night I would lie naked in her warm caressing embrace while watching the stars and moon above and feeling the pleasure of her company.

The amazing thing is since my mistress has returned to my life, my wife has once again joined me in our threesome with her for her warmth and loving touch. It would appear she has missed my mistress and our threesomes as much as I have.

The name of my mistress is Hot Tub, and I will never live without one again!

Happy Valentines Day!

Out of the Closet – I’m Addicted to My Scale!

January 21, 2007

My relationship with my scale makes Monk look like an amateur when it comes to compulsive behavior. On the average day I probably weigh myself 10 to 20 times. When I don’t like my weight, I weigh myself 2 or 3 more times just to make sure it comes up with the same answer. I step on from a different angle or I place my feet in slightly different positions all in an effort to get a lower reading. In the old days of mechanical scales, you could play the scale for a 3-5 pound difference and get the answer you wanted after an all night binge.

With the new electronic sales, that type of activity doesn’t work but old habits die hard.

Seriously, I weigh myself before going to a party. I weigh myself after a party. (5-6 pound gain) and the unusual activity is in the middle of the night. Every time I get up for aspirin for chronic pain or to go to the toilet, I weigh myself and monitor my night time weight loss. By morning, after going to the bathroom I will have lost 3-5 pounds as my body sheds the excess indulgences from the day before. I can usually tell by 2 am if I will wake up with a gain or loss. Even in the morning I weigh myself before and after my trips to the bathroom. (0.6 pounds difference, if you really want to know.)

I know that most personal trainers, Oprah and the About experts suggest once a week or less, but I believe that is bullshit advice. I know that when I get in to the party, sedentary desk-jockey, night time couch potato mode instead of acting like the ADHD hyperactive person I am, the first thing I do is stop weighing myself at all because I won’t like the results. Who the hell wants to monitor failure on a long term basis?

I am glad to find out that professional paid science is once again beginning to catch up with armature meology. Recent reports of scientific research on the web and in the press, point out that daily weighing leads to greater weight loss. In a two year study, those who never weighed themselves gained 4 pounds, those who weighed themselves weekly lost 6 pounds and those who weigh themselves daily lost 12 pounds over the two years.

Now that’s exactly why I intend to weigh myself 10-20 times a day for the next year as part of my regime to lose 30 pounds and keep it off.

Oh well, looks like scaler addiction ain’t all that bad.