Archive for the ‘Alcoholism’ Category

I’m My Own Honeypot!

June 15, 2007

In my never ending quest for knowledge, I decided to check a few more sites to find if I was alone among bloggers. My obvious first choice for unbridled home grow sedition was of course Mike E. over at greenlighton.wordpress.com I did my Visual Trace Route and guess what Mike E ends up on the Level 3 server next to me. After that, I checked waistloss.wordpress.com and he had a “normal track.” My last two regulars, themiddlemanage.wordpress.com and iggybaby.wordpress.com are on the Level 3 server.

Oops, seems like the quickest way to hit the Level 3 server in New Jersey’s kiddie porn hosting honeypot area is to be a regular at the Fat Savage Blog –

So sorry to everyone.

It’s pretty obvious how I got there, I am an obvious choice for a person of interest, I am an educated native American who speaks out against an oppressive government and doesn’t run from my sensuality.

Now my friend Mike E. is an obvious choice as a walking pharmacology and an advocate of self medication for all that ails you.

Iggybaby.wordpress.com is a stretch even for an oppressive government. Her only sin of record is to be a military wife so maybe she made the honeypot on her own as they don’t want her badmouthing the war from an insider perspective (She Never Does.).

The one that utterly amazes me is themiddlemanager.wordpress.com who is a prudent thoughtful writer without any obvious sins other than his presence on my site. So the only group I can find that is hosted by Level 3 are those who have made comments on my site.

Fucking Amazing!

I Guess I’m Still Pissing Them Off.

June 13, 2007

For the past month or so, I’ve focused on tracking kiddie porn sites to Corporate American located in the good old USA. So far, I have never seen a foreign kiddie porn site, there is very little black kiddie porn and most of the pictures were variants of ones shown at trial from the National Archive of Hashed Kiddie Porn Pics. This is good solid white America at it’s worst under the leadership of George Bush.

Now don’t get me wrong, these pictures are hauntingly evil and remain embedded in memory, the same way Holocaust pictures do. It’s just fucking disgusting that all of it is published in America, much has been online for almost a decade and it’s all hosted and transported by big American Business.

I first recognized that I was pissing them off when CERT hit me with a military strength Trojan and of course being stalked by Carnivore was a dead give away that I was a so called “person of interest.” Now They have topped all that.

I have always suspected that some of my search results were filtered so, I’ve gone to the extreme of using Google from foriegn locations (Mexico and Washington DC), using very clean secure machines, various mobile IP’s such as war driving for access and using multiple search engines. The one thing that I never expected was that I would be tagged for access denial to a site such as spywareinfo.com

Can you imagine my surprise when I Googled a know porn serving malware program and found several posts on the topic at spywareinfo.com then clicked a link and got the following message.

mySQL query error: DELETE FROM ibf_secessions WHERE ip_address = ‘fat.sav.age.xxx’

Now I hope that you all recognize that ‘fat.sav.age.xxx’ represents both of my IP addresses on my two networks at two physically remote locations.

You got to love it.

With more than 4 billion IP addresses in the world, I’ve pissed off someone enough to get both of mine blocked at spywareinfo.com

They even blocked my ability to contact SWI or join a forum so I couldn’t bitch about the shoddy treatment they are giving The Fat Savage. Christ, I thought I was fighting for privacy, intellectual freedom and against government created malware and these dumb fucks should be on my side.

The really sad part, I had printed the articles of interest on a weak printer and just wanted a better copy, so I already have hard copy on the articles of interest.

I Speak The Truth

June 12, 2007

You can always tell when you speak the truth when people try to shut you up.  I have reached the point where my feed stats exceed my blog stats which means my regular readers exceed my total readers.

It seems I’m suffering a denial of access attack.

I would have never noticed except I dropped from 300 viwers to 20 overnight and my feed stats were still above 40 per day. 

 When the Feds want to fuck with you, they will.

Oh well, I was always writing to document the crap said at trial so I will write until the appeal is over. 

The question is why stop me if I’m wrong. At least you know the basis of appeal if I stay on line.

The End of a Lifestyle

March 11, 2007

Well, over the past three weeks, I’ve been driving too fast in the morning; Drinking too much at night; skipping my vitamins and eating junk food. I even thought about having a cigar but in truth the fat lady never sang.

We lost the case and are now madly working on the appeal process. Why should anyone care about what happens to an 67 year old man crippled with chronic pain and arthritis who plays with his tally whacker at 3 am in the morning while looking at the ugliest crap imaginable? Then I’m reminded of that old World War II story out of nazi Germany.

“When they came for the criminals, no one cared. When they came for the homosexuals, no one cared. When they came for the Jews, no one cared. When they came for me, there was no one left to care.”

Always remember what can be done to the least of us can be done to all of us.

However, I’ve really got to regain control of my life but it’s difficult right now. The stress of taking on the Government is colliding with my hedonistic nature. What the hell – eat, drink and make Mary for tomorrow you may die.

Big Brother is Watching (Save Chuck Part 1)

February 20, 2007

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!

Living on a sunny Caribbean Island, there is really not much work for an FBI person to do. We haven’t had a bank robbery in 15 years and the last kidnapping I can recall was probably a hoax.

If you are a sailing minded FBI agent, then it’s a vacation to be assigned to the islands – nothing to do all week and sailing on weekends, If you are career minded, it’s the assignment from hell as their are no chance for gold stars which move you up the ranks.

So about 3-4 years ago a couple of career minded genius went around to all the local computer shops and said the techies should check the content of hard drives for suspicious content and report it to the friendly local FBI office.

Remember, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!

Now a patriotic veteran with one too many combat bumps got a computer he didn’t know shit about. So naturally he had a friend show him. The friend was a little weird but had lots of money – Poor Chuck (Charles Stephano) didn’t have either a credit or debit card. He started surfing all the sites that a weirdo would suggest probably on his friend’s accounts. By April 19, a month after he purchased it, the computer was so overloaded with unknown malware, viruses, etc. that it shut down. Another friend could salvage it only by formatting the hard drive and restoring the operating system and program. I believe it was Windows XP home addition, with internet Explorer 5 and maybe sp1.

He surfed from April 19 until about May 1 when the machine shut down again. Since he was down so much and deriving pleasure from his “Night Nurse” he took it to the professional tech firm to be repaired.

After a couple of days in the shop where many people had access to the machine, a techie plugged in a loose video card and checked it out. Then he used it to start surfing the web. When he did he found all kinds of sites bookmarked and possibly the browser home page was porn. Since it was fairly nasty shit, he called the FBI. They came and inspected the catch memory and history on May 5, 2004 and on May 6, 2004 started surfing the net with Chuck’s computer. What they found was appalling. Now remember, Chuck was not the only one with access, his friend used the machine, as did all the practical jokers at the repair shop along with the FBI and Chuck is functionally illiterate.

Based on the rather weak chain of evidence linking the computer to Chuck, the FBI obtained a warrant after the machine was returned to Chuck and then used the warrant to search the machine at his house. The also found some nasty indefensible pictures but remember Chucks friend had access to all as he was helping Chuck out.

Despite the lack of a credible chain of evidence of the suspect computer the FBI then used EnCase to make a mirror which they of course refused to give a copy to the defense for examination. For those who don’t know a mirror is not what is on your machine but everything that was ever on it including all the nasty shit that was deleted in order to get the machine to run again. The only access to the mirror image has been at the FBI building for a few hours over a couple of days. The defense expert had to provide the hardware to plug the mirror into. Meanwhile, the FBI has had all of their experts scour the mirror over the past two years. There were 144,000 sites visited in about 6 weeks total, with over 44,000 images, 358 possible child pornography pictures and apparently someone printed out 10 fairly nasty pictures over the final two week period after the computer was formatted.

Yeah, I too think kiddie porn sucks, but I feel that a total invasion of privacy is even worse. This case is being tried before an illiterate jury with light weight experts compared to the experience of the FBI.

Since they have attempted to eliminate people with knowledge of file sharing and maleware from the jury pool, they got me thinking. This is a dial up connection on a machine that never even had virus protection connected through an ISP that offers no screening to either email or downloading. Most days his dial up was operating at 28 K and file sizes ranged in 30 to 300 K range – remember high quality porn graphics.

That got me thinking – are there any combination of keystroke monitors, file sharing software, dial in programs etc. that take command of an idle computer and turn this into a file sharing mule? What do I look for on the mirror to prove it. The whole thing sucks – the government sucks and the defendant is a functionally illiterate veteran with either poor friends or bad taste that does little to help his own case.

Oh well life sucks and then you die but when wise men abdicate the fools will rule.

Please spread this post around, I need all the tech help I can get.

Remember, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!

Really Bad Eating Overdrive – Read It and Weep!

February 9, 2007

My last fast came to an unnatural end where I didn’t get to the lower level weight I was expecting followed by a week of desk work. Yesterday was just one of those totally evil days of humanity. I don’t mind eating or drinking when its a celebration of life. I just can’t stand it when it becomes senseless activity meant to kill time which is almost a prelude to death itself.

I fasted before Christmas to allow for the indulgences of the season and came through unscathed. I am simply not sure what caused yesterdays collapse, but it was bad.

From a productivity point of view, I resolved my machine problems, met a business associate for breakfast, made some calls to firm up the Governor’s ad hock committee on small business, and finished a proposal for a major new controversial project which passed a preliminary review this morning.

Nothing was unusual about the morning, I sedated myself with coffee, had bacon, eggs and toast for breakfast and stayed at my desk until about 3pm when I got tired of it. While taking the afternoon off, I wandered to the fridge and was attacked by a 1/4 pound piece of sausage swimming in a sea of pork and beans cooked with brown sugar. I fought back and devoured it.

I wasn’t too terribly ashamed because you simply can’t gain more weight than what you eat so I figured I could afford the 1/2 pound or so without much problem. I then had to return to work and entered the vacant building through the lunch room, where someone had left an almost complete slice of cold soggy pizza with only a bite out of it. I hate a mess in the dining area so I cleared the table by eating it.

Naturally, I stopped to join my wife for a glass of wine and drank a bottle instead – then went home for dinner. That’s right a 1 1/2 pound steak for the two of us – she weighs in at 120 so doesn’t eat all that much. Then there was the 1/2 pound baked sweet potato with butter, and the fresh mozzarella (1/2 pound), basil, and tomato salad washed down with another bottle of wine.

So how does a Fat Savage gain 2 pounds in one day?

Read it and weep!

ADHD – A Message to Parents and Grandparents

December 29, 2006

Dear Readers,

When your 61 years old and have lived a lifetime of freedom of expression and actions, the idea that you are abnormal is sort of cute and it’s not too bothersome to find out that you probably have had severe ADHD all your life.

In fact, teachers, ministers, school administrators had all warned my parents that I was not normal, had severe antisocial tendencies, was disruptive and lead others astray. In my working career, I’ve been accused of being a long ranger and not a team player and told that I just don’t fit into structured organizations. My children thought some of my antics were embarrassing.

In fact if you have ADHD, in all your activities, you just don’t believe that you have done anything abnormal or unusual and can’t understand how others can compromise their standards just to get along..

At age 5, I got in a fight and sent another kid to the hospital with a broken foot. This is the same year I was so excited about the snow that I went out sledding alone, in the middle of the night and hit a tree in the dark jabbing a sled runner into my leg. By forth grade I hated my teacher, was kicked out of school, and the IQ test gave a substandard 90 IQ. In fifth grade I loved my male role model teacher excelled in school, and they tried to skip me a grade. By 7th grade, I hated the retarded male bully teacher and was kicked out again.

The pattern was repetitious. I got booted again in ninth and eleventh and only lasted 29 days until I was kicked out of college where I was attending on a full scholarship for brains and football. I eventually graduated with honors. This abbreviated version ignores getting shot at 14, spelunking without resources or telling anyone that I was in an uncharted, unrecognized cave or going cross country alone at age 16 and neglecting to call or write my mother while going to Mexico where I promised not to go. Oh yeah we used to climb prohibited cliffs, and dive off the cliffs into a shallow river.

Did I forget to mention, hammering on bullets, building zip guns and black powder guns, making rockets and bombs and sort of being generally curious about all chemicals and electricity. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the hot dog electrocutor where you put two nails in a board and put each half of a lamp cord to a nail, put the hot dog on and plug it in. The hot dog is electrocuted and ready to eat in about 30 seconds if you ignore all the zinc from nails that gets into the meat. Most of that was done before I was 12 years old and discovered football. The list really goes on forever like use a airesol hair spray can as a flame thrower or teaching my daughter to build a bomb as her science fair project because her high school science teacher was stupid – he never did figure out it was a bomb but my son did and he wanted me to teach him too.

I repeat for emphasis; When you have ADHD, you just don’t believe that you have done anything abnormal, unusual or wrong.

Now since I grew up poor, doctors, shrinks and medicine was out of the question and this was before the welfare revolution of the 60’s that got everything for everybody. So where did that leave me and society? Only two things saved me and allowed me to cope with a world I would never really understand that is sports (or other high energy activities) and love. My mother loved and loves me like no other and taught me to love in the same manner. She would beat me with any handy device; broom, wire hanger, hair brush or cooking pan but would defend us to the hilt to outsiders. She would treat our wounds, both physical and mental, hug us and put us to bed. She lived her dreams through us and insisted we all get college degrees. Four of us came out of poverty and all have advanced degrees. Mom got her high school diploma after we all graduated from college and were married. Obviously, Mom believed in tough love.

Football was the other normalizing influence. Imagine 1 hour of high intensity activity from August to December every year from 12 years old on. I rarely got in trouble during football season. All I had to do to get praise was to hurt other people. Instead of being yelled at people were cheering. I loved it and was natural at it. I had endless energy, was angry at the world and enjoyed hurting the people who tormented me. I made all conference, all county and all state and got a 100% scholarship to the University of Pennsylvania. I had to behave in the fall semester but that was a price for all that adulation. Obviously, my coaches believed in tough love and I towed the line to play the game.

In college I fell passionately in love with my one and only wife and I wanted to excel for her. I found out that scholarship and publication were just one more game to win. After a screwed up first year, I made deans list graduated with honors and went to grad school. I wrestled for three years and starved myself into submission to stay focused. It all worked for me.

Neither of our children had ADHD and indications were almost the opposite because of an abnormal ability to stay intensely focused. However, my daughter married a guy just like dear old Dad i.e. He also has untreated ADHD. His experience is different that mine and I wouldn’t dare to describe it for him, but since there is a tendency for ADHD to run in families his oldest daughter has it. We all share the feeling that ADHD is real but nobody should be drugged to control irrational exuberance. Hell the world is depressing enough without killing the spirit of hyperactive people.

Like her father and grandfather, our little girl does well in school when she loves her teacher and poorly when she doesn’t. If she has unused energy, she gets in trouble. She now has taken up karate and moved up a few belts but more importantly she is doing it with her father’s participation, love and discipline. Yes my son-in-law and daughter have learned to be much firmer and are developing an appreciation for the concept of tough love.

When it comes to offering advice, first and foremost, I am not a Doctor. I visit with my friend who is a Doctor every week, but as a doctor, I visit him in his office about 6 times a year for flue shots, annual check-ups and STD’s With his advise I have tried medicine to treat chronic pain, high blood pressure and the other ailments. Other than vitamins, aspirin, alcohol and my blood pressure medicine, I avoid excess medication because I don’t like the way they alter my body, mind or libido. With respect to ADHD, there are Doctor’s who believe in diet, medicines and behavior modification. Doctor’s are human just like everyone else.

I have not written a book on ADHD and my observations are based on the lives of 3 individuals between the ages of 6 and 61. Those who have read my blog for a while realize that I do a fair amount of research. I personally believe that an infinite reserve of love, the ability to guide with discipline and involving the child in a high energy high reward (fathers love or coaches praise) activity is a good way to channel the activity. However, who is to ever be able to judge which approach would yield a better more productive member of society. The choice is the Fat Savage with a lifetime of ADHD and self medication with wine or a societally approved version of the drugged human. One path will always be not taken and there is really no way to compare the real individual to the other potential individual. This is the same as a doppleganger (an evil twin in an alternate universe) where no one can tell which is the good twin and which is the bad.

I have never had the experience of working with or being friendly with a person on Ritalin but keep in mind the original and repeated warning.”When you have ADHD, you just don’t believe that you have done anything abnormal, unusual or wrong.” A child’s desire to argue when reprimanded may be because he has not yet been drugged into complete submission. Sounds like he needs some firm tough love or more drugs.

Sincerely,

The Fat Savage
.

Aced another ADHD Test

December 26, 2006

Well my wife is a regular reader (perhaps not a fan) and a firm beliver that I have had ADHD all my life. So while she was surfing the net she went to webmd.com and came up with an ADHD test. There were two scoring profiles. The overall score was anything above 25 was cause for concern and should be checked. The other was a scale of zero to ten. Well, on the attention deficit side, I scored an 8 out of 10 and on hyperactivity I was 9 out of 10. Overall, my score was a 42 which was well above the 25 needed to qualify for medical attention.

Imagine, going 61 rather contented years to find out that I should have been drugged all my life. Maybe that 3-4 hours of wine drinking every night of my life is the medication substitute. I only feel guilty when the consumption exceeds 1 1/2 bottle.

Anyway, I decided to take the CAGE test to determine if my 1/2 to 1 bottle of wine everyday of my life makes me an alcoholic. The first question is do I believe I need to cut back and the answer is almost never except for the calories involved and on those rare occasions where I exceed 1 1/2 bottles. Then I do.

The next question is whether or not I’m annoyued by people who comment on my drinking. First off, no one ever comments; second, the truth never bothers me and third, I rarely care what others think.

The third part is whether I ever feel guilty and the answer is the same as the first – only on those very rare occasions when I exceed 1 1/2 bottles and then I don’t do it for a long time.

The forth part is whether I want a drink in the morning to cure a hangover. First I don’t get hangovers, and also, the idea of a drink in the morning is dumb because a whole day of my life would be wasted and I’m having too much fun with living.

Well either I have very low standards or I’m a simple drunk and not an alcoholic. The one time I went to an AA meeting with a friend who was a drug addict, they kicked me out because I hadn’t fucked up my life enough to share horror stories on the path to redemption. I don’t beat my wife, my kids, miss work or kick the dog. I don’t fall down in guttors, pick fights or get in trouble. I don’t have accidents. I’m just your sort of basic issue mellow drunk.

Oh well I guess there is no cure for a disease I don’t seem to have so I may as well keep drinking my wine every night.