Archive for February, 2007

Is “Amazingly Stupid” an Oxymoron or Government Job Description

February 27, 2007

Well no lie, I prompted the defense lawyer to ask the government expert witness some questions to establish her expertise and set up a defenses. Now this trial is about three weeks long and going strong mostly because the defense wont roll over and play dead. The prosecution has vindictively upped the anti by adding 104 new count to the original 16 point incitement. What the hell why back down – The original charge would have brought 80 years in jail where as he will now have to serve 600 years. The guy is 67 so it doesn’t much matter what he’s charged with.

I cant understand why they are mad. The woman is an expert certified in EnCase, child porn, security, anti virus and spyware and testified she checked all systems which were up and running, operating properly and used regularly. At one point the judge, after the pictures were shown in court, offered to send the old man to a funny farm if he would just cop a plea. The judge is also a veteran.

The first question was asked about six different ways over two days.

Are there issues of National Security involved or are we free to discuss the case?

Now the Homeland Security Agency handles both porn and Arab terrorists through customs and other agencies and is also in charge of CERT which is the “national threat to computers” agency that warns the businesses and public about all virus hijacks etc. The expert claimed to have asked Symantic to examine the disc for virus. Despite the protection she said there were three Trojans at work on the machine but they wouldn’t work on dial-up.

On two occasions she was asked if she understood the meaning of a Honeypot and she said no.

Now that is just a plain stupid answer and the defense lawyer went after her today. He reiterated the questions about the damage which could be done by Trojans on Honeypots and she said nothing could be done by Trojans on dial up and she still wasn’t sure on the other term.

Well I had prepped the lawyer with a visit to CERT and Symantic which has an article on the use of a Honeypot to trap spammers and CERT has information on the Honeynet Project which can be entered by the index word Honeypot.

He asked if she was familiar with the printed pages from the sites and she as an expert said yes – Bang he got her when she was asked to read the highlighted portions of each page.

Now lets get the facts out loud and clear and always keep it in your mind what the government is capable of in the name of morality. Read the wikipedia article on Child pornography. The most startling claim is since 1990, the only supplier of kiddie porn is the government and all of the commercially available stuff is on government operated websites which are honeypots.

Two facts back this up, there were 44,000 images on this computer and 360 were kiddie porn. The FBI testified that every one of the images has been electronically hashed and used in law enforcement and no new kiddie porn was located.

Also, in fact checking the government’s case I went to the URL’s and most all were still up and running – no penalties for the server only the viewer.

Contrary to public opinion, wikipedia points out that kiddie porn is not the domain of old men playing with their tally whackers but of curious adolescents who naturally want to look at kids their own age. All of the government shit is sick and disgusting, with none of it being artistic healthy visions of a young person.

Most of my girlfriends are half my age (legal) and a vision of health not skinny anorexic abused children. You think if the government is going to run a kiddie porn sites in my name the least they could do, is do it tastefully.

Well, I’m not dead yet!

February 26, 2007

It’s been a long time joke in our family that just because your paranoid, it doesn’t mean people aren’t really out to get you. This last week has been a blur looking at thousands of lines of data and trying to get the meaning of it, listening to expert and government witnesses who are all lying and tying to figure out why they are lying and who the fuck the guy is that they are trying to screw.

My weight hasn’t suffered even though I’m sitting on a hard bench all day doing noting – I’m at 214 which ain’t all that bad considering the lack of exercise or work.

Last night we had a delicious meal at our favorite Restaurant and had Italian egg drop soup, and a platter full of calamari, mussels and eggplant fried and stuffed with ricotta. Desert was banana’s Forester – crapes, syrup, bananas and ice cream which was fantastic.

Well I didn’t have acid reflux, because I’m not quite fat enough but I had a wicked dream with a vision of my death. I parked my sporty little car against a loading ramp and a humongous Government Mail truck backed slowly backed into me while I was trapped in the car and regardless of how much I honked the horn, it kept on coming back until I figured out it really was out to get me.

Oh well, I ain’t dead yet and in the meantime I want Dan Brown (Digital Fortress) to write the story and Bruce Willis (The protector of the Autistic kid that could read encrypted messages) to play me. This really is turning itno an incredible story that has the whole defense team wondering why. We have put the story of how together but not the why.

A Hard Drive and the Business Suit!

February 21, 2007

One fundamental question I’ve been asking over the past week is what’s the difference between a business suit and a hard drive?

On a regular basis people bring their suits to a dry cleaner to be cleaned and/or repaired. There is a person at the front counter who signs it in, another who carries it to the processing area to be cleaned, another who cleans it, someone who presses it and finally someone who inspects it before putting it in unguarded storage.

Your neighborhood drycleaners probably belongs to a professional organization, occasionally attends a national convention and has a training program for its employees because it’s hard to do the job perfectly.

Now lets compare this to the neighborhood tech shop that repairs computers. The employees are usually hired because they are family or techies who trained themselves and the only additional training is on the job. In big cities you may have a college educated technician, but in the burbs it’s probably a talented kid who hasn’t gone to college yet.

Both are small businesses with varying standards and ethics depending probably on the owner or manager of the shop.

Now just supposed that after a suit lay around the drycleaners for a couple of days and the FBI then received a report that their was contraband in the suit. I simply can’t imagine that they would even bother to investigate or for that matter be able to obtain a warrant on the evidence found in the suit. Or if they really could, that this is the type of free nation our solders are fighting to defend.

Yet this is exactly the type of evidence chain that was used to get a warrant in our last post. The defense lawyer made a motion to suppress and it was denied. The case will be tried and all the evidence gathered before and after the warrant was issued will be admissible.

Does anybody really believe we should live in a Nation where evidence of illicit activity found (or planted contraband) in a suit at the drycleaner can be examined by the FBI and returned to the owner with the contraband still in the pocket. Most people just hang their clean clothes in the closet so their is ample time to get a warrant based on the flimsy evidence chain and the evidence will be found exactly where it was when it left the shop and the FBI inspected it.

Most people who use computers never inspect their hard drives to determine what is on them, or what residual that they thought had been destroyed which can be recreated by EnCase.

What is the difference between a business suit and a hard drive?

Big Brother is Watching (Save Chuck Part 1)

February 20, 2007


Living on a sunny Caribbean Island, there is really not much work for an FBI person to do. We haven’t had a bank robbery in 15 years and the last kidnapping I can recall was probably a hoax.

If you are a sailing minded FBI agent, then it’s a vacation to be assigned to the islands – nothing to do all week and sailing on weekends, If you are career minded, it’s the assignment from hell as their are no chance for gold stars which move you up the ranks.

So about 3-4 years ago a couple of career minded genius went around to all the local computer shops and said the techies should check the content of hard drives for suspicious content and report it to the friendly local FBI office.


Now a patriotic veteran with one too many combat bumps got a computer he didn’t know shit about. So naturally he had a friend show him. The friend was a little weird but had lots of money – Poor Chuck (Charles Stephano) didn’t have either a credit or debit card. He started surfing all the sites that a weirdo would suggest probably on his friend’s accounts. By April 19, a month after he purchased it, the computer was so overloaded with unknown malware, viruses, etc. that it shut down. Another friend could salvage it only by formatting the hard drive and restoring the operating system and program. I believe it was Windows XP home addition, with internet Explorer 5 and maybe sp1.

He surfed from April 19 until about May 1 when the machine shut down again. Since he was down so much and deriving pleasure from his “Night Nurse” he took it to the professional tech firm to be repaired.

After a couple of days in the shop where many people had access to the machine, a techie plugged in a loose video card and checked it out. Then he used it to start surfing the web. When he did he found all kinds of sites bookmarked and possibly the browser home page was porn. Since it was fairly nasty shit, he called the FBI. They came and inspected the catch memory and history on May 5, 2004 and on May 6, 2004 started surfing the net with Chuck’s computer. What they found was appalling. Now remember, Chuck was not the only one with access, his friend used the machine, as did all the practical jokers at the repair shop along with the FBI and Chuck is functionally illiterate.

Based on the rather weak chain of evidence linking the computer to Chuck, the FBI obtained a warrant after the machine was returned to Chuck and then used the warrant to search the machine at his house. The also found some nasty indefensible pictures but remember Chucks friend had access to all as he was helping Chuck out.

Despite the lack of a credible chain of evidence of the suspect computer the FBI then used EnCase to make a mirror which they of course refused to give a copy to the defense for examination. For those who don’t know a mirror is not what is on your machine but everything that was ever on it including all the nasty shit that was deleted in order to get the machine to run again. The only access to the mirror image has been at the FBI building for a few hours over a couple of days. The defense expert had to provide the hardware to plug the mirror into. Meanwhile, the FBI has had all of their experts scour the mirror over the past two years. There were 144,000 sites visited in about 6 weeks total, with over 44,000 images, 358 possible child pornography pictures and apparently someone printed out 10 fairly nasty pictures over the final two week period after the computer was formatted.

Yeah, I too think kiddie porn sucks, but I feel that a total invasion of privacy is even worse. This case is being tried before an illiterate jury with light weight experts compared to the experience of the FBI.

Since they have attempted to eliminate people with knowledge of file sharing and maleware from the jury pool, they got me thinking. This is a dial up connection on a machine that never even had virus protection connected through an ISP that offers no screening to either email or downloading. Most days his dial up was operating at 28 K and file sizes ranged in 30 to 300 K range – remember high quality porn graphics.

That got me thinking – are there any combination of keystroke monitors, file sharing software, dial in programs etc. that take command of an idle computer and turn this into a file sharing mule? What do I look for on the mirror to prove it. The whole thing sucks – the government sucks and the defendant is a functionally illiterate veteran with either poor friends or bad taste that does little to help his own case.

Oh well life sucks and then you die but when wise men abdicate the fools will rule.

Please spread this post around, I need all the tech help I can get.


I’m Happy Being a Neanderthal!

February 18, 2007

Some of my politically correct friends and even family members have referred to me as a Neanderthal. I think they used that word because calling me a savage is sort of unrefined. I checked with my online dictionary and find that savage means untamed, unpolished, rude, an uncivilized human being. I would have to admit that I am definitely untamed and unpolished and occasionally rude. By politically correct standards, I’m probably an uncivilized human being, so I know that savage can be used as a description.

Now if I cared, I might consider calling me a neanderthal a little mean spirited as it means “primitive, culturally or intellectually backward; an unenlightened or ignorant person; a barbarian; a person with very old-fashioned ideas.” As I pondered this concept, I checked Wikipedia and found that Political Correctness is a term used to describe language which is intended to provide a minimum of offense, particularly to racial, cultural, or other identity groups. Now given that neanderthals were a different species with their own distinct value systems, it has to be disparaging to call someone a neanderthal.

Since I’m not terribly politically correct, I was curious to determine if there were any accuracy to the charge. I checked and found that neanderthals invented the flute before their human counterparts and also had art equal to humans of the same time period. They were also skilled hunters to the point that food surpluses allowed them to take care of the old and infirm. This is very unlike their human counterparts who have a rich history of letting infirm and poor babies die and of euthanizing the old.

All in all, I must admit that based on my analysis of neanderthals, I’m not terribly insulted and the next time I am called a neanderthal for my views on the world, religion and life I can smugly smile as I have the knowledge to understand that this branch of the evolutionary tree had some commendable attributes and even calling me one is indicative of a lack of knowledge and political correctness by the very person charging me with being politically incorrect.

Now what provoked me to thing about this at all was that I read an article about primitive Indians cultivating spices and hot pepper to improve the flavor of their food over 6500 years ago. Since I am a self proclaimed Fat Savage and don’t mind the implication of being untamed or unpolished, I’ll stick with the name because Fat Neanderthal is harder to spell.

What’s your sign?

February 18, 2007

I’ve never been one for banal conversation and in bar room situations, I’m more likely to use a direct approach like “Your absolutely gorgeous; are you legally blond or a rocket scientist?”

If the woman can tolerate my sense of humor and either laughs or gives an answer that indicates anything above an apprentice nail technician, we have the start of a conversation.

Every now and then my curiosity gets me into the banal zone. So naturally when Robin described her Zodiac sexuality, I had to follow the link and do mine. Since it was so positive, I had to post it below. Anything less would have meant I didn’t publish it and endured a few years of bad luck for breaking the chain.

AQUARIUS:. Does it in the water [which I like]

Trustworthy. Sexy. Great kisser. One of a kind.
Loves being in long-term relationships.
Extremely energetic. Unpredictable.
Will exceed your expectations.
Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.

Amazing in bed,

find yours here.

Obviously, the 35 year old original descriptions were written by an aquarian.

My Perfect Mistress! Happy Valentines Day!

February 14, 2007

I met my perfect mistress almost 45 years ago. At the time, she was very undeveloped, actually kind of skinny, and more utilitarian like a maid than a lover. About 10 years ago, I had unfilled needs, a lust for new experiences and was reintroduced to her. Despite the long absence, she warmly embraced me and gently caressed me over my whole body.

I simply couldn’t resist the new experience and extended an invitation to my wife to join us in a warm loving and very sensuous relationship. We shared hours together drinking champagne and planning businesses and were only interrupted by the pleasure of warm, loving, sensuous, caressing touches.

This threesome went on for several years until my wife became very successful in business and tired of the game. She never begrudged my continuing relationship and in fact, when I was particularly stressed she would encourage a visit to my mistress. Eventually, our children and grand children became aware of my mistress and my passion for her. All were seduced by her warm loving manner and gentile touch.

Unfortunately, many good things end. My wife developed a petty streak and in a moment of austerity begrudged me the $70 dollars a month that my mistress demanded of me. The amount was so low for the pleasure provided that I felt shame when the topic of money arose. Maybe she was jealous of the hour or two a day I spent with her.

Rather than fight with my wife of 40 years, I rejected my mistress and turned my back on her. The sad part is my wife and I spent the year that my mistress was out of my life in a constant battle. The cruelty of the words in one week of that year exceed all the cruelty of the 40 years we had been married and there was no mistress to run to for solace.

I was able to take this for almost a year before returning to my mistress. When I returned, I found she had almost died of atrophy and rejection. I paid $700 in medical bills to bring her back to health and know I would have gladly have paid three times that amount just to get her back.

During our whole relationship, my mistress has never started or participated in an argument. She has helped heal me whether my wounds were spiritual or physical and she embraced me no matter what time of day I visited her. I could visit mid day for her warmth and comfort or at night. At night I would lie naked in her warm caressing embrace while watching the stars and moon above and feeling the pleasure of her company.

The amazing thing is since my mistress has returned to my life, my wife has once again joined me in our threesome with her for her warmth and loving touch. It would appear she has missed my mistress and our threesomes as much as I have.

The name of my mistress is Hot Tub, and I will never live without one again!

Happy Valentines Day!

The Contest is Over!

February 14, 2007

The contest is over for lack of spirited interest except for Robin and Mike E. Obviously Robin is the winner as she focused on food. Mike E chose the scat path. Oh well both the winner and the loser get the hats – if they want one.

The fruit is obviously rare and has a limited range of global acceptance mostly because of its appearance and the way you eat it. It is native to both coasts of Mexico and even though the plant was spread world wide in the 1700’s, it has never achieved global acceptance. The following picture was ripped from Purdue which publishes more information than you need to know or click the thumbnail below for a larger view.

Black Sapote

The way you eat it is to cut it like an orange and suck out the pulp with lips and gums being sure to not break the fragile skin which would make an even bigger mess. My knowledgeable and normally adventuresome employees refused to even try it with only one other male and my wife having a taste. My wife cautiously probed it with her finger and tasted it and declared that it tasted just like an unsweetened chocolate avocado. Everybody else was too disgusted to even consider it. Its easy to understand the combination of cocoa and avocado once you have eaten this fruit.

The fruit locally is called a chocolate fruit but in other parts of the world it would be sapote negro, zapote, zapote negro, zapote prieto, zapote de mico, matasano (or matazano) de mico, or ebano. It had been confused as a relation to mammy sapote but that is an attractive fruit which when ripe tastes like a pink avocado and makes a nice unusual garnish for salads.

The Genuine Fat Savage Hat!

February 12, 2007

The Genuine Fat Savage Hat!

Robin has attacked the task of identifying what I ate with the passion normally saved for Taebo and she is so close. The combination of avocado and chocolate would not be necessary if she could find this fruit which was probably used in the original recipe. If she is doing this for the hat(pictured above), I’ll be happy to send her one for all comments done to date.

By the way check her chili recipe on today’s blog. My type of recipe – i.e here is the list of ingredients – if you’re any kind of cook you can figure out the amounts. I hate cinnamin in chili or pasta sauce so I would leave it out but just might try the cocoa. ( Cinnamin toast is good for breakfast – you know lots of butter, sugar and cinnamin on toasted bread.)

What did the Fat Savage Eat? Big Free Contest!

February 11, 2007



That’s right if you can identify this “snack”, the Fat Savage will mail a Fat Savage baseball cap to anyone you choose including yourself. The winner will be the first person to correctly identify the leftover from this snack in the comment section of this blog entry.

Hint # 1; This is more proof that God has a sense of humor!

Hint # 2; When I discussed this snack with a gay friend, he expressed an affinity for it despite a lack of interest in scatology. So it definitely isn’t what it looks like – that is – unless you really know what it is.