I read in many blogs despair over life in general and the reason people get fat was eating to hide. I never had that problem. I’m fat because I deserve to be fat. I eat too much and drink too much, I work too hard, enjoy sex and social intercourse. The last time I hated me was when I was smoking and I quit in 1984. Now that was a totally worthless addiction that interfered with my ability to be active or to work hard. In the end there was no pleasure but just the absence of pain.
Everything I do is done for pleasure, I could not live a life without sex. If I eat and drink too much, I get bloated and too fat for sex and hard work. Still I don’t eat to cure hunger, I eat because of fine taste. Oatmeal could lower my blood cholesterol 12 points in a month and I still wouldn’t eat it without cinnamon and brown sugar to kill the taste.
Last night I had ribs (with honey, mustard, and mango chutney BBQ sauce), lima beans and a baked potato with sour cream and butter. I waged a battle to keep my portion under 500 calories and lost as it drifted up to about 750. That plus the bottle of wine and the nominal calories taken in during the day put me at only 1300 but I didn’t do any manual labor. I played the desk jockey roll all day and weighed in at 216.6 the same as yesterday.
I really tried to exercise yesterday by swimming but after getting knocked over by an unexpected 6 foot wave and being towed out to sea in the undertow, I decided that this was a day that was better spent talking business at my favorite watering hole and cooking the above dinner. Actually it could also be that I was swimming in the coldest weather ever recorded in St. Croix. It got all the way down to 69 degrees. I really am a pleasure seeking/comfort seeking animal and anything under 80 is cold.
To some extent my comfort with myself is hampering my diet. I am able to work hard enough to burn 6500 calories a day and hold that pace for a week. There are no complaints on my sexual abilities, I still like to drink and eat and at a BMI of 33, I really don’t look sloppy fat unless I’m naked. In my mind, I know it will be healthier if I drop the 30 pounds, and then I will probably look good in a bathing suit but the only real advantage I can conceive on the short term is that I’ll be able to be a better hang glider than my daughter. (Or maybe not since she is very competitive.)
It is just as hard to diet when you love yourself as it is when you hate yourself.