When starting a diet or planning a lifestyle change, many people consult their astrological information to determine if it’s an auspicious time to start. I must admit I read my horoscope daily and smile when I am supposed to be blessed and show concern when I am supposed to be careful. I would credit it with being right about half the time. In fact, it is just as much bullshit as Ouija boards, crystal balls and mediums.
I have come upon a new scientific approach to dieting which seems to be improving my chances of success by limiting my chances of failure. This science allows for discovering diet techniques that work for me, avoiding mind traps that are sure to put on weight, and in general studiously avoiding rising off a plateau by gaining weight that was hard to lose.
Of course the new scientific approach is meology which derives from the latin word for me which happens to be me. As I study myself, and having made daily records of work, personal demands and food and alcohol consumption, I now know that the perfect day for my long term FAST to begin is January 25. Starting on this auspicious day will absolutely guarantee me success and I intend to plot my daily progress and invoke jealousy in the hearts of my loyal readers.
If I fail, I hope for two things. First a good laugh as we all rub in my total arrogance and pride (See the Seven Deadly Sins) and also, I hope to be just a little better off for my effort just as I was rewarded for my 6 days of fasting and dieting prior to Christmas.