You Can’t Be a Fat Environmentalist

Well, I love the great outdoors, I hate litter, and pollution in any form is a waste of corporate profits. Think about it! If you drive a big SUV instead of my sporty MR-2 Spider, you waste a lot more money on gas and don’t have as much fun as I do living life on the edge. But I just found out from Fox News that if I lose 100 pounds, I can save 18 gallons of gas a year. ( This is is the same Fox News that brought us OJ and “If I Did It”)

Even though I envision myself as The Fat Savage, the biggest weight loss I can conceive is about 50 pounds which would make me lighter than Ive been since 1963. If that were a goal and I achieved it, I could save $20 dollars a year. Hell, I save that much each day I quit drinking so thats hardly a motivator for either action. The average American is only 25 pounds heavier than they were in 1960 so the savings would be less than $10 per person per year for a nation of Fitness Fanatics.

The original motivator for me was that I got To Fat To Fuck and just the thought of being a self imposed fat eunuch is enough to keep me in a new lifestyle that keeps me modestly in shape.

One Response to “You Can’t Be a Fat Environmentalist”

  1. Mike E Says:

    Interesting: Racehorse jockeys, desperate to shed shed less than one pound, are known to run miles in the hot — hotter the better — sun wearing heat-insulated clothing. Some purge, of course. Others reputedly pop gel-caps filled with tape-worm eggs.

    I follow the game and a jockey dies pretty much at least once each season.

    Why?

    For the love of a good race. And that’s their business, right? I support an all around easing of ridiculous jockey weight restrictions. For safety sake. But from their passion for racehorses none could hope to dissuade them.

    Point being: Poverty & Speed Pills keep my figure girlish & trim. And cram my brain — and thus your comment box — with great lengths of jabber at random.

    So. Miles-Per-Gallon saved aren’t the passion that drives your weight loss challenge. Gonzo — the Movement — is in essence a Challenge, right? To bet smartly on You.

    For safety’s sake…Remember!
    Jerry Garcia died in rehab. It wasn’t speedballs marlboros or cheeseburgers. Sobriety (we hates it) did him in.

    Live long & swerve agilely.

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