I’m Back!

It’s a long story as to why I dropped off the face of the blogsphere but the essence was I was “outed” by my son. Nah, I’m too much of a fucking bull to be anything but heterosexual – but when my son discovered the fatsavage blog, the shit hit the fan. His wife saw it, probably his in laws, then he told his sister, and her husband who than told his parents and the bloated bureaucrats in Washington which is a lot. The responses were varied.

My Daughter thought it was funny and told everyone she knew – all she wants from me is for me to lose the weight anyway I can, keep it off and to live forever. I’ll try to meet her part way – I’ll lose the weight and live like a fucking savage as long as I am able then pull a Hunter Thompson ending hopefully somewhere around 90 years old and before I’m so excited about my night nurse giving me a sponge bath that I dribble down my toothless gums. (Of course, I’m a little that way right now – if the truth be told.)

My son’s responses were like that credit card – fucking priceless. Its hard for me to remember it all but the gist was that I was a pervert just like my grandchildren’s other grandfather and didn’t the kids deserve to grow up with one non pervert, that I was ruining his chances of getting a good new job, and that my being a pervert (since all my bad habits are heredity) might ruin his marriage! So take the site down or face the consequences.

Well I took the site down and I still faced the consequences. My weight is stable but as my journey of self enlightenment came to a screeching halt so did my gains in health – My skin started breaking up in lesions. My blood pressure is off the fucking scale. I’m flipping my cork at work, and I have heartburn worse than I’ve ever had in my life. My weight is stable, the body is starting to look better and I’ve lost my fucking mind – I’ll be the prettiest corpse in the graveyard.

Fortunately, all the woman in my life agree on one thing. They would rather have a living fat savage than a worthless dead one and if I have to express myself in an egocentric manner to get rid of my problems; do it, get in shape and keep on living. They may not be happy but live is better than dead.

I’ve saved the best for last Mike E Open Container speedWay has a mom that discovered his site and he still writes from the heart about life’s experiences good and bad – I felt uplifted when I read about his “hating happy people.” Mike took time to notice I had dropped from the face of the earth and encouraged me to start writing again. Of course, he stroked my ego with phrases like one of the “most exciting up&coming writers who ever fell off the face of the blogosphere” Hell, it was only the week before when I was still writing regularly that he told me I’d have to wait the rest of my life or pay him a $100 bucks for him to associate with me. I’m really glad that he only kicked me because I might have seemed too happy but when I was down he was there for me.

Saving the absolute best for last is of course the response of my son-in-law – now he of course said I should keep on writing if it will resolve my health issues because he wants me to live long enough to see my great grandchildren – hell thats only 20 more years – I hope he means longer but as our family’s only web millionaire, he put his mind to work to determine how I could become the Great non-judgmental gonzo leader of the global obesity movement. He wants me to keep on writing so the he can figure out how to exploit and profit from the uniqueness of being “El Gordo Gonzo Jefe” of the world making us both the first of the new generation of bloated obesity billionaires

3 Responses to “I’m Back!”

  1. Mike E Says:

    Welcome back fatso — but you took to long.

    You still owe me $100.

    Good luck,

    Mike E

  2. the son Says:

    Now tell the truth, dad… I am not unhappy at your gonzo exploits; the shit hit the fan because you FTP’d your home page to my website!!! BTW, this blog is actually much better. It’s funnier and reads easier. — your loving son

  3. Rachael Black Says:

    damn skippy. i LOVE you!

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